Les Coeurs la Mémoire Longue
by unfertilizedeggs
Summary: Because even though her whole heart used to belong to Jason, it didn't anymore. She loved them both. Lucky had developed into something she never expected; something she never thought she'd feel again. Jasam/Lusam


**Disclaimer:**** I don't own them; I'm just borrowing them.**

**Summary:**** Because even though her whole heart used to belong to Jason, it didn't anymore. She loved them both. Lucky had developed into something she never expected; something she never thought she'd feel again. Jasam/Lusam**

**A/N:**** Okay, here I am to save the day. This is my pet. I've been working on it since October and I've only posted Chapter One at one site so far. You guys here are lucky number 2! It's nowhere near finished being written and I'm probably going to be extra slow on updates unless you all prompt me with *tons* of reviews. *wink wink* So I know Feb. 09 has come and gone but it hadn't when I wrote this, go with it. This picks up right after Lusam get back from their camping trip with the boys. And please, if you have an opinion with which way you want the couples to go, do tell. I haven't decided endgame yet. One more thing, I must give credit where it is deserved. This was originally supposed to be a co-written fic with my girl Dana [Dayzsollers] but life gets in the way, I suppose. Anyway, it didn't work out exactly like that, BUT she did co-write the Jasam flashback in this chapter. And there's always the possibility that she'll make another appearance later in the fic if I get stuck on something. She's completely amazing and the story will only be that much more awesome with her input. Reviews are better than Jason and Lucky BOTH in the hot tub at the same time. *drools***

**Les Coeurs la Mémoire Longue**

_February 14, 2009_

The room was beautiful. It was so classic of Carly to be able to pull off something as magnificent as this. The walls and tables were draped elegantly in reds and golds while the lighting provided the perfect romantic setting for the evening. The event was to raise money which was to be donated to General Hospital's children's ward in Michael Corinthos name.

The turn out was amazing, with the majority of Port Charles filtering in as the evening got under way, including the most elite families. The Quartermaine's had their own table, almost directly in the middle of the dining area, where most sat bickering back and forth. Tracy's screeching voice could be heard throughout the room, though nobody paid much mind to it, already used to her ranting about something or another every chance she got. Luke leisurely leaned back in his chair, paying no mind to his wife, who by this time appeared to be fuming, sipping a nearly empty glass of scotch. His eyes were already roaming in search of a waiter to bring him another glass.

Two tables to the left, what could be considered the Cassedine family, sat. Nikolas appeared to be casually people watching as he took in his surroundings, but upon closer inspection, it was obvious that his eyes flitted to the blonde Nadine, who sat next to him, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. Alexis had taken a spot at her nephews table, dateless. And even though she tried to disguise it, her eyes strayed to the couple dancing amongst the crowd, in the middle of the dance floor.

-x-

"This is probably one of my favorite places to be," she sighed and nestled herself further into his embrace. His fingers crawled up her spine before shifting to her head and brushing a few lingering strands of hair from her eyes. He pulled back slightly, his arms still holding her tightly, so he could peer into her face. As she watched the corner of his lips twitch in a somewhat half smile, she couldn't help but to feel self conscious, "What?"

"You know I hate dancing," he whispered to her, keeping the moment between them intimate. It wasn't hard to do since neither of them were aware of anybody else in the room, too busy lost in the feelings of holding each other again. He felt her arms tighten in the slightest around his frame, as if she were afraid he would pull away. When her mouth opened, her protest on the tip of her tongue, he continued as he pulled her closer so their bodies were once again completely immersed in one another, "but I don't mind dancing with you."

Her face was buried in his chest and she inhaled his scent, a perfect mixture of leather and something else that was so distinctly Jason. She turned her head to the side and sighed heavily, resting her head over his heart, "This is nice." He nodded and smoothed down her hair before letting his hands linger over her open back. "I wish it was always this easy."

The hidden tremor he deciphered behind her words left his heart heavy in his chest. It hadn't always been easy for them and even though it felt easy right then, holding each other close, they both knew it wasn't. And even though his heart was aching in his chest at what they had lost and may possibly never get back, he pushed it away. He needed this time with her, on the dance floor at the Metro Court, where other couples lined the floor beside them. Usually he wasn't one for public displays of affection, but right then, in that moment, he would do anything for Sam.

The song came to an end and he reluctantly pulled away from her, but she grabbed him back into her arms. "Just a little longer," she pleaded, her deep brown eyes gazing upward to his face, "I just want you to hold me a little longer." And without hesitation, he melted back into her embrace, their bodies molding like they were fit to be together. He could never refuse her, especially not now, after so much had happened with them. And honestly, he needed it as much as she did, if not more.

Sam lifted her head from his chest and he stared down at her, watching her every move. Slowly and tenderly, she reached up and kissed him lightly on his lips. He inhaled deeply and relished in the feeling of the soft flesh of her mouth on his. His fingers threaded through her silky hair and he never wanted to let go. And when they did finally pull back from each other, his chest pounded. There was a sadness in her eyes that scared him and his grip on her arms tightened. He was afraid that if he let go now, he'd never get to hold her again.

-x-

"Thank you," she smiled as she passed a waiter carrying a tray of champagne flutes, stopping only long enough to grasp one. Stepping onto the balcony, she sipped from the glass, lazily wandering out to the edge. She lifted her hand and took a long drawn out drink, needing the liquid comfort it provided her. But even the flowing warmth settling in her stomach couldn't ease her mind. Not with the decisions she had to make. And not when they not only affected her, but two other lives as well. She never wanted to be in this position; one where she had to make decisions regarding somebody elses life. She knew all too well how painful the wrong decision could be.

_Sam followed him out onto the balcony hesitantly and even though she was quiet, he still turned around to face her. She silently wondered if it was part of his job, the reason why he'd known she was there. She'd like to believe it was apart of their connection, one she'd always felt every time he stepped into a room.  
_

"_I know what you're thinking."_

_She took a few steps forward and he turned away from her._

"_I mean, you must be thinking that I followed you out here or even here.."_

_She watched as his hands gripped the ledge and she took a deep breath, unsure of what to say next. He turned around partially, taking them both by surprise. After a moment of silence, he motioned with his hands for her to come to him._

"_Run to me." his voice was low and she couldn't bring herself to move._

"_What?" She sighed, confusion laced in her voice._

_He shook his head, and tried again. "Just run into my arms like you did that night," he said. She was frozen in place as he repeated himself once again, this time his voice loud, forceful and almost angry. "Just run to me."_

_Sam rushed towards him without a second thought, throwing her arms around his neck. She allowed herself to relax into his embrace and he spun her in a circle, just as he had done the night she was shot. Tears threatened to fall as she felt his lips press against the base of her neck._

_His heart beat frantically against her chest as he loosened his grip, his hand falling to her lower back. She looked up at him and could see the pain that she'd been feeling for months mirrored in his eyes. He turned away from her and took a deep breath. "This is where you were shot," he explained, his hand resting exactly where the bullet had pierced her skin. She stayed quiet as he continued, his eyes shutting at the memory. "In your lower back and it went through your abdomen."_

_When his eyes finally open, she could see all of the grief that he'd been feeling.  
_

_All of the guilt._

"_If I had been holding you three inches lower, the bullet would have hit you here." His hand moved up the small of her back as he tried his best to continue. "And it would have severed your spine, gone through your heart."_

_She looked away from him then and wiped away her tears._

"_And you would have died in my arms that night."_

_He pulled away from her, finally removing her from his embrace and her arms drop to her sides. He shook his head. ""Do you really understand?" He asked, hoping that she did. That he wouldn't have to continue. When she didn't say anything, he continued. "That your life could be over, that you could be dead just because you ran into my arms?"_

_She knew what was happening, even before he said the words. Perhaps a part of her had always known. That no matter how much love they'd felt, it would never conquer their reality. She shook her head, trying to form the words that would make him stay. That would make him change his mind._

_But it was too late, she could see it in his eyes._

_He'd made his decision and she knew he wouldn't go back on it._

"_I'm sorry, I can't let that happen."_

_Jason looked away from her as he continued, "If I continue to love you..."_

_She watched him as he struggled with what to say, how to justify what he was doing._

"_It could..."_

_It could kill her._

_He'd said it moments before but she knew he couldn't say it again. It would make the pain unbearable. "I can't.." He shook his head. Jason took a few steps away from her and sighed, "I can't love you anymore."_

Sam blinked back the tears that flooded her eyes as she remembered the moment that shattered her heart. And the love that she felt for him swelled inside of her as she realized that they had overcome it. They had broken each others worlds to pieces and still managed to find their way back to each other. At least partially.

But not completely. Because even though her whole heart used to belong to Jason, it didn't anymore. She loved them both. Lucky had developed into something she never expected; something she never thought she'd feel again. He had taken her by surprise, when instead of being the casual fling she started out of revenge, he became the one person she trusted the most.

_He grabbed her arm and twirled her around so her back was to him, their bodies pressed up against each other. "What are you doing?" her voice came out weaker than she was used to, but she was on edge and feeling strangely vulnerable. She was so close to confessing her sins to him, but the words just weren't there._

_"That lame thing we used to do in high school," he nuzzled his face into her neck and she knew she wasn't going to like where this was going._

_"I didn't go to high school," she laughed, attempting humor to lighten up the serious atmosphere that he had inflicted upon their evening._

_She felt Lucky laugh lightly into her neck before he turned serious again, "I want you to close your eyes."_

_She struggled in his grasp, but he held his arms firmly around her, "Oh no, come on, you're kidding me."_

_"Just close your eyes," he interrupted her, refusing to give up._

_As soon as she felt his arms start to release his grip around her, she attempted to turn around and face him. But he once again held her in place, her back to him, "Close them? Why?"_

_"I want you to fall backwards."_

_"No," she refused instantly, finally managing to turn and face him. "You are kidding. Stop it."_

_"No," he interrupted her, once again. And by the look on his face, she knew he wasn't going to budge on it. "Trust me." That was the question. Did she? Could she? She had never been big on trust and the last time she let herself trust a man, he had blown her whole world apart. But something in his eyes made her believe him. "I'm going to catch you."_

_So she went with it. She fidgeted nervously with her sleeves before making a decision. She toed up and pecked him quickly on the lips, a small reminder to herself that he was worth it, before turning away from him again. She took a deep breath as his finger tips grazed down her body, reluctant to leave contact with her, until they were no longer touching at all. "Okay," she sighed out as she closed her eyes and fell freely backward. A squeal fell from her lips as the fear that maybe he _wouldn't _be there, in so many ways, filled her. But then his arms wrapped around her and before she knew it, she was in his lap._

_The look of tenderness his eyes held for her as she looked at him pulled at her heart and she realized that he really _was _worth it. She knew her feelings for him ran deeper than she ever expected them to, but for the first time, she realized how deep. And she could only hope that when everything finally came out, he'd still be around._

She realized that just like Jason, she and Lucky had managed to make it through a lot. Her actions were unforgivable, yet he somehow found it in him to forgive her. They had made it through it, so far. But just like her relationship with the other man, it wasn't always perfect.

Her insecurities that had developed from the demise of her relationship with Jason had carried over to her relationship with Lucky. And for too long, she held him at an arms length away, ready to push back every time they took one step forward. Gradually, she let her guard down, but even still, she was waiting for the next shoe to drop. And it seemed like it finally did. She had to choose. She had to decide whether her past and love with Jason was her future or whether it was to continue on the amazing ride that she found herself on with Lucky.

Shaking her head clear of her thoughts, she turned back around and faced the night sky. It was beautiful at this time of year, the snow blanketing the roof tops, trees and sidewalks. Instead of a bright moon and twinkling stars, the night sky was overcast. She thought it was perfect, the clouds signifying her own mood. Shivering, she ran her hands up and down her arms, trying to seek the warmth without having to force herself back inside the building. Her night, so far, had been as near perfect as possible. There was only one thing missing.

As if he had read her mind, a pair of arms snaked around her body from behind. He towered above her, encasing her in his body heat. He always seemed to know exactly what she needed. She smiled and snuggled herself deeper into his body. "How'd you know I was out here?" the smile behind her words was obvious and he couldn't help but smile too, as he buried his face against her neck.

"I have this amazing ability to find the most beautiful women around," she could feel his grin against her skin and couldn't help but giggle a little bit, even if she was rolling her eyes at his cheesy line. "I checked. Nobody compared to you."

"Is that right, Detective?" Sam could have sworn she fell a little bit more in love with him. He had the ability to make her smile, to make her forget that just moments ago she had felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. He was good like that. It was something she never in a million years expected to find in a cop, but he understood her in every way. They were so different, yet so alike.

Lucky raised his eyebrows and shifted his head to the side so he could see her face, "Are you calling my bluff, Ms. McCall?"

She laughed again and turned her face to the side, her eyes instantly connecting with his. She saw the passion and love swimming in them. Cupping his cheek gingerly, she tipped her head to the side and captured his lips with her own. It was slow and sensual, her lips against his, moving in a perfect rhythm with each other. They kissed like their lips were meant to touch forever.

He didn't want it to end, because as calm as he appeared on the outside, he was frazzled on the inside. He _needed_ her and he had no idea what he would do if she didn't need him back. Just like her kiss always did, feelings he never thought he'd feel again after the debacle that his ex wife put him through swelled inside him, threatening to burst if he didn't find an outlet. So he kissed her like his life depended on it, putting everything he had into it.

When they pulled away, she held her eyes closed, afraid to see the look on his face. She didn't want to know if he was afraid, because thinking about his hurt would only make her decision harder. But when she opened her eyes, all she saw staring back at her was understanding and trust. And that scared her.

Lucky blinked, breaking their stare, and whispered lowly, "It's cold out here. You'll get sick." He knew it was hard and he didn't mean to make it harder on her. But he needed this time with her.

Sam nodded and backed away from him. Before she turned and left completely, she reached her hand out to him, "Are you coming?"

"Nah," he choked out, afraid his voice would betray the strong image he had managed to hold onto in her presence, "I think I'll just stay out here for a few more minutes. It's a beautiful night." She nodded her head and turned to leave, a ghost of a smile on her face.

When she was out of sight, his facade broke and he stared out at the cloud ridden sky. _Perfect._ A gloomy night to fit his mood. He wished that the trust and understanding that he had tried to show her was still lingering inside of him somewhere but all he felt now was fear. Fear that he'd never get another chance to show her exactly what she meant to him.

-x-

"What are you going to do?" a voice broke her out of her daze. She had been sitting alone at the table her cousin had reserved for them watching the many couples dance on the floor in front of her. She was happy for Nikolas and the new love he seemed to find, whether they knew it or not. The look in both of their eyes was very telling. Her mother was twirling around the floor with Ric, smiling contently. Sam still loathed the man and considered him her biggest mistake, but Alexis and he had managed to maintain a civil relationship since their divorce.

"I wish I knew," she murmured back, gulping down the champagne in front of her. She had been trying to avoid it after spending an amazing moment with each man. It didn't matter that she had the hearts of both men and could very well spend forever with one of them. She knew she would be breaking the other ones heart and that fact alone was enough to shatter her. She was so tired of everything. She didn't want to have the sort of power that she did, the control over all of their lives. She wanted it to be done because this love triangle was slowly sucking the life right out of her. "I promised I would make a decision by midnight tonight."

"Well," Maxie glanced down at her wrist and rolled her eyes, "Okay, so I'm not wearing a watch. It just doesn't go with this dress, which by the way, looks fabulous on me." Sam gave a weak laugh and Maxie glanced behind her at the clock hanging near the door, "Anyway, you've got five minutes until both Prince Charmings are expecting an answer. Who's it going to be?"

Sam's eyes filled with tears and she looked away, "I can't do this."

"Sam," Maxie's eyes softened and she reached out to place her hand on top of her friends, "which one can't you live without?" She sent the torn woman across from her a pointed look and stood up in search of Spinelli. Sam stared off where Maxie had disappeared as she considered her words. Which one couldn't she live without? And how was she supposed to break the other ones heart in the process?

"Sam," his voice called out to her and her head snapped up in his direction. She rose unsteadily to her feet but didn't make any motion to step forward.

"Sam?" she heard behind her and she turned around and faced the other man. Her hearted pounded in her ears and she stared back and forth between them.

_Jason. Lucky._

_Lucky. Jason._

"I'm sorry."


End file.
